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Fifty Ain't so Nifty

Saturday, February 26, 2011

What's so nifty about being fifty? I turned fifty on December 27th of last year. Did I get extra presents? No, but I did get a birthday card from AARP! Hey, I'm not a senior citizen yet or am I?

I have to admit there are days when I feel a hundred instead of fifty. Maybe I need all the discounts I can get? I could use a few nips and tucks here and there, alright everywhere. My boobs sag, my butt too. My arms are flabby and so is my belly... I'm living proof that fifty is nowhere near nifty!

This is Only a Test; in Case of a Real Emergency . . .The Menopausal Survival Kit

Wednesday, February 23, 2011
This is only a test; in case of a real emergency . . .break out your menopausal survival kit.

A well stocked menopausal survival kit consists of three things: cookies, chocolate and caffeine.I can't survive menopause without them. It would be like living on a Menopause Island without a good pair of high heels.

Got to have the cookies. Cookies are the most important staple in your survival kit. Cookies will be your lifeline. You'll forget you even have menopause when you dunk your cookies into a big, cold glass of milk. Make mine a double chocolate milk.
 You can't have enough chocolate in your private stash. Chocolate will get you through anything, even menopause...If  I could I would dip myself in a pool of rich, gooey chocolate syrup to forgo an eternity spent on Menopause Island. Load up on the chocolate. You'll need it!

 Caffeine, the drug of choice for this menopausal woman. Give me plenty of coffee and soda's. Load my kit up. I get my power from caffeine. It flows through my veins. It's a must have in your survival kit.

 Be sure to hide your menopausal kit. I forgot to hide mine and wouldn't you know it, my goodies grew legs and walked away. Now I hide my secret stash. If I even suspect anyone near my stash; i.e. hubby, it's not a test... it's the real deal: "Warning, step away from the goodies.

Seven Facts Award

Sunday, February 20, 2011
Today I was tagged with Seven Facts Award by Sunny. So now I must tell you seven unknown facts about me and tag 15 of my blogger friends.
Here are the rules:
 Here are the things you need to know when accepting this award:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their blog.

2. Post seven random facts about yourself.

3. Pass on the award along to 15 other worthy bloggers.

Here are my seven little know facts:

#7. My 2nd husband I and lived together 13 years before we got married.

#6. I love Big Band music.

#5. I'm a genealogy nut.

#4. I'm left handed.

#3. I've always wanted to be a cowgirl.

#2. I love salt water taffy from the Oregon Coast.

#1. I was adopted when I was 4 months old.

Now I am tagging the following blogger friends:

Get on Board the Crazy Train Headed to Menopauseville

Saturday, February 19, 2011

All aboard! The Crazy Train is leaving the station headed for Menopauseville.

Don't you want to hop on board the Crazy Train with me and leave peaceful,easy feelingful? You'll have the time of your life when you arrive in Menopauseville. You'll have no more worries when you board the Crazy Train.No more feminine pads, no more cramping, so just get on board and ride the Crazy Train to Menopauseville.Some nice old ladies will meet you there, you'll set in an easy chair when you arrive.Just leave your period behind and climb on board the Crazy Train.Take the ride of life on track number who knows when sometime down the line to Men-o-pause-ville.(sung to the tune Chattanooga Choo Choo)

See you in Menopauseville!

I Didn't Shave My Legs For The Occasion

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

More rantings from the psycho menopausal fifty year old woman. I hate to admit to the fact, but I no longer shave my legs. I have foregone the ritual since I turned 49 and started going through 'the change'. My legs are now hairier than my hubby's.

I know I'M WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR, but do I really need to shave my legs? Hey, my leg hair is the only thing that keeps me warm when I'm not having a hot flash. I'm actually fond of the little follicles. They're family! They keep me company in the winter and in the summer, well let's just say I don't wear shorts.

Anyway, my point is I don't like to shave my legs. I'm not a football player and I really don't have to impress the opposite sex any longer. I'm a fifty year old hairy legged menopausal woman. Get over it!

All Roads Lead to Men

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Have you ever noticed the first three letters in most of our problems is MEN? Did you ever wonder why?

Let me break it down for you.

 MENtal anxiety, MENtal breakdown and MENstrual  cramps I must blame on Men!

What other reason is there? Men make you anxious, they drive you crazy and cramps may not really be there fault, but who else can you blame?


I need a break from you.  I love my hubby,but he just does not understand what I am going through.

I need to put you on pause. Dear hubby, at this point in my life you get on my last nerve.

So, as you travel down the road of men, you will need to find a detour, be on guard and keep the window rolled up.